I do my part when I fart

Finding out that since cows produce methane gas and that this gas is bad for the environment and helps cause global warming. Since I can't somehow destroy or disperse the gas created by cows I decided to focus more on the gas I produce. Now when I fart I light a match to help prevent global warming. This should be about as effective as those light bulbs I changed over to LEDs.

Just remember not to have that match too close when you let one go or you might burn your ass.

One Lemon Tree

I know I haven't been on in a while but things have been very complicated for me. After a recent loss I was walking and trying to clear my head. At my feet was a small bag of lemons. The lemons were in perfect condition so I picked them up. Laughing to myself about how my life has literally just given me lemons so I went home and made some lemonade. Looking at all the seeds on the counter I wondered about growing them to see what would happen. I quickly rinsed off the seeds and placed them in some soil.

A few months later I had some tiny lemon trees growing and though not much was better in my life I felt like I was at least accomplishing something. Now I need to use those lemon trees to try and get something more.
I wish for somewhere to live and will trade the lemon trees to get it. I would like a house in the forest. I am not too picky but I would love to live in the forest. Somewhere I can plant my redwood trees and allow us all to grow and prosper.

I will meet you to trade the trees.

They have grown a lot since this picture was taken a year ago but I am currently re potting them and will have an update soon.

Here are 6 of the trees. As I am sterilizing the soil one pan at a time in the oven you can see why I would only have a few of the trees done at a time.

Therapy

Going to therapy was always kind of a problem for me. Apparently I have so many problems that the psychiatrist thinks I am delusional. It is only when I start pulling out legal records that they figure out that my life is just that fucked up. Basically I have had some pretty bad psychiatrists who have told me "no one's life can suck that bad." Which is pretty much why I don't get along with or see eye to eye with any therapist.

So yes, I have been shot before. My father shot me with a shotgun for not hoeing enough corn fast enough.
Yes, I had to dig out the bird shot myself and treated the wounds. Yes it hurt, and yes it made me upset. So now I tend to be afraid of having a gun pointed at me with intent. Go fucking figure.

Yes, I would regularly get woken up by a deranged man who would order me out into a field to do manual labor all day in whatever I had slept in the night before. I wouldn't even be given the chance to grab shoes, food, or water. The sharp gravel path to the field really hurt my feet then the hot  clay dirt would burn my feet. To this day I have ridiculously thick calluses on my feet. Then I had to work in hot sun till my mother came home and then I would be given access to food and water. But if I didn't get enough work done he wouldn't give me dinner. On those days I would have worked outside all day and would then have to cook all of us dinner. The worst part would be if I didn't cook enough food then I wouldn't even get any. Yes, my father was a complete asshole.

Yes my father and uncle both have meth addictions. He chose meth over me so I have been adopted by a couple different men who accept me as their daughter. It is a pretty sweet deal. I get fathers who actually give a shit about me and don't have to put up with contact with a meth addict who tried to kill me repeatedly.

Yes I grew up with a schizophrenic sister who would randomly beat the shit out of me for no reason.

Basically with all of this we aren't even up to the issues I had by age 10 so I can pretty much win on having a sucky childhood. Too bad that the shit still hasn't stopped flying yet.

Inheritance

I don't remember much from my great grandmother because I was so young when she passed. She had a tiny dog that was more afraid of me than I was of it. The hair was so thin that even the gentlest petting would cause her to flinch. She always felt safer with great grandmother than with me.

She sacrificed her only bath tub to grow a large tree which she had kept for years. No one would let me touch the tree and for years I didn't even think it was a real tree. No matter how much I begged I wasn't allowed near the thing. I don't even remember which kind of tree it was but it basically had the bathroom to itself. Not having any toys for me to play with she would turn on this electric flower which would change colors. I would sit here for hours in a darkened room with a rubix cube just watching the colors change. I never did get very far with the cube though since one of my cousins had already taken all the stickers off and put them back on once to show that he had solved it. A different cousin took the think apart once to solve it so it was rather broken.

When she died I didn't know what that meant. My mother tried to explain that we couldn't go see her any more and that all her things would be given away in a process called inheritance. I really wanted the light with the color changing flower. I had my heart set on the item knowing I would receive it. What I was given rather shocked and appalled me. An antique zit popper, an emergency sewing kit, and antique dish towels. Yes I admit that I had really bad acne but to have it explicitly mentioned in her will in front of the entire family was a bit much.

The device bears a striking resemblance to this one. Basically I was explicitly given a small piece of aluminum that would fit in the palm of the hand and had been used by many of my relatives to remedy their acne. That thought on its own is rather gross. But with the application of some bleach I had to admit that the device did work. I used it for years till I lost it. The sewing kit I lost almost immediately. Apparently I was only given it to stop the relatives from arguing about who should get it. The dish towels are something I still use today but it took a college class to explain them. See flour and sugar were once sold in fabric sacks and people would then use those pieces of fabric for other purposes. In this case they were turned into dish towels. I know because the logos are still on them though they have faded a bit.

It is nice that she mentioned me in her will but it took years to fully appreciate the irony and oddity of such gifts.

The Great Sriracha Famine Begins

The official court ruling went through today so you may now partially kiss your sriracha good bye.

National Novel Writing Month (how it all ends)

There has been an exciting new biological discovery inside the tomb of the Chernobyl reactor. Like out of some B-grade sci fi movie, a robot sent into the reactor discovered a thick coat of black slime growing on the walls. Since it is highly radioactive in there, scientists didn’t expect to find anything living, let alone thriving. The robot was instructed to obtain samples of the slime, which it did, and upon examination…the slime was even more amazing than was thought at first glance.

This slime, a collection of several fungi actually, was more than just surviving in a radioactive environment, it was actually using gamma radiation as a food source. Samples of these fungi grew significantly faster when exposed to gamma radiation at 500 times the normal background radiation level. The fungi appear to use melanin, a chemical found in human skin as well, in the same fashion as plants use chlorophyll. That is to say, the melanin molecule gets struck by a gamma ray and its chemistry is altered. This is an amazing discovery, no one had even suspected that something like this was possible.

Aside from its novelty value, this discovery leads to some interesting speculation and potential research. Humans have melanin molecules in their skin cells, does this mean that humans are getting some of their energy from radiation? This also implies there could be organisms living in space where ionizing radiation is plentiful. I’ve always been a big panspermia proponent, the idea that life did not originate on Earth but is actually common in the cosmos. Organisms that can live in space certainly gives more credence to this idea.

Possibly this could also be used to create plants or mushrooms that could grow in space, serving as a food source for space travellers. Maybe these fungi could be modified and used somehow to clean up radiation contaminated environments. There’s quite a few of those, in fact the disposal of radioactive waste is still a huge and unsolved problem. Now the fungi couldn’t actually eat the radioactive isotopes, I’m not saying that, but if they can live in radioactive environments they might be used to somehow scour out or concentrate the radioactive isotopes in such a way as to facilitate their clean up.

Imagine, there’s fallout from a nuclear accident and what do the guys in suits do? They show up, spray mushroom spores over everything, and a few weeks later the mushrooms are harvested and disposed of while the contaminated area is now radiation free. It would certainly be useful, the picture at the top shows the still abandoned town of Priyat, Ukraine. It was built to house the workers at the Chernobyl nuclear power plant, and was evacuated within hours of the accident.

An excellent story about the Chernobyl disaster and Pripyat is at the Ghost Town link. Just be aware that, no, Elana didn’t actually ride her motorcycle through the radiation contaminated zone, that was poetic license on her part. (Motorcycle enthusiasts have motorcycled across Europe hoping to duplicate her tour, only to be told by the guards that that motorcycles are not allowed in the contaminated zone.) The pictures and descriptions are accurate though, some of the images are incredibly poignant. Just think, a whole town where the inhabitants fled without warning, leaving all of their possessions behind.

Fortunately the Chernobyl reactor was an old and unsafe design, only one other reactor in the world was built the same way. It was right here in Berkeley, a research reactor built on campus in the fifties. It was sagely decided to quietly shut it down after Chernobyl; while it couldn’t have had an accident on the scale of Chernobyl, the locals were a little concerned anyhow. In fact it was a block away from my favourite burrito place, yikes.

(The above image was released into the public domain by its author. Credit: Jason Minshull.)

https://unitedcats.wordpress.com/2007/05/29/major-biological-discoveryinside-the-chernobyl-reactor/ 

National Novel Writing Month Pt 18

    Pale glowing figures happily bathe in that wonderful pool inviting me to join. I can’t resist and join them. The water is warmer than I last thought but oh so relaxing. The water relaxes me and drains away all my worries. A woman offers me soap and I  happily accept. It has been days since I could bathe properly. One of them even washes my back for me. The kindness of strangers can be striking but wonderful at the same time. Shaking out my hair to wash it as well I am struck by how long it is. I didn’t remember it being so long or full last week. It feels like it has grown at least six inches since I last washed it. The soap softens it. Diving under the water to wash out the soap I relax further, exhilarating in the caress of the water on my skin. The water surrounds me and holds me softly in an embrace. Surfacing I could swear my hair has grown longer still. I must be imagining things. Hair doesn’t grow a foot longer in only a few moments. The stress must be getting to me. The women are smiling and giggling around me but they are not making fun of me they are simply enjoying themselves. There are more women waiting to bathe so I reluctantly leave the pool.

    Someone offers me a large plush towel which I gratefully accept. It is soft, warm, and feels so good on my skin. I can almost taste the softness of the cloth. Shaking out my hair and attempting to brush it with my fingers a comb is offered to me. It is silver, engraved with graceful leaves and set with stones. The teeth are fine and it detangles my hair very nicely. These women are very kind and open to sharing even with a complete stranger like me. Looking for my clothes they are not where I left them. Looking slightly panicked I see them being washed. That is very kind but what am I to wear while they dry? My concern must have been evident on my face because an outfit is offered to me by a beautiful young woman.

The clothing is strange and I have no idea how to wear it. Giggling at my confusion two women help to dress me in a greek style toga. They put jewels and flowers in my hair braiding it and styling it similar to how they are wearing theirs, anoint my skin with scented oils, and drape me in fine jewels. They even put a pair of soft leather boots on my feet. The clothes are more comfortable than I ever imagined them to be. I am warm but not hot and can move freely. The cloth is softer than silk but obviously made from some kind of lightweight cotton. The belt helps to give the dress shape. Seeing my reflection I can hardly believe how beautiful I look. Could that really be me staring back at me?

    Lost in my own reflection I wonder about this strange turn of events. Why does all this feel strange and wrong somehow? What is wrong with me? Why would I be suspicious of such kind people? They are painfully beautiful and have been nothing but kind to me. They have shared with me and even dressed me like them. They have done their best to make me one of them.

    Two women approach me and take my hands while smiling. They beacon me to follow them. A sense of exhilaration flows through me and I join them. We dance to music  can almost hear, but my feet are sure and I am very light on them. Through the beautiful temples and gardens we dance. Winding around the golden columns we dance in the moonlight. The carvings seem to move in time to the music. I can feel the music in my bones but I can’t quite hear it. Even the gowns flutter in time to the music. The sculptures come alive around us as we dance. Others join hands with us forming a beautiful line of dancers extending to infinity. Round and round we spin flowing and fluttering graceful in the moonlight. I have never been so happy in all my life. If only I could live like this forever, then every day would be perfect. The simplicity of breathing cool air and dancing is perfect. I would never want for anything again. Not tiring I dance on through a throne room curtsying gracefully at just the right moment and back out into the courtyard.

    One of the rooms contains a feast. Succulent roast meats make my mouth water. Every kind of bread imaginable is piled up on tables enticing me to try them all. Baked bread fruit sandwiches appear on my plate as if by magic. They are sweet, filling, and very satisfying. I have never tasted something so wonderful in my life. Every bite is different and all are amazing.

    Sitting at a long beautifully decorated table with my plate of delectable delicacies in front of me I smile and can’t wait to dig in. Something catches my eye. I look again and see a scared girl terrified in the moonlight shaking in the corner. She is screaming but no one seems to hear her. Why does no one help her? What does she want? Reluctantly leaving the table I go to her. She is crying so hard that I can’t make out what she is saying. I try to hold her but this only seems to make things worse.

    “Why are you crying little one?” I ask in a soothing voice. She finally looks up at me.

    “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want this to happen to you or anyone. Its not your faoult and now it is almost too late.”

    “What is wrong? What is too late?” I ask.

    “You. They have you now and they will keep you, and it is all my fault.”

    “Child no one has me and no one will hurt me. Now come lets eat.”

    “No!” She cries. “You have to run. Run now or you will be trapped here forever.”

    I am confused for a moment. Then I remember the children of the moon. What they looked like and how they danced all night. A bell tolls loudly.

    “Run now!” she screams.

    I turn and run. There are too many people in my way. I can’t get through the sea of bodies. I fight and realize that hands are trying to hold me back. They are too strong and I only slowly make ground. I am desperate to make it out of the room. I barely make it outside when the sunrise hits. The children of the moon melt away in the light. They almost had me. They almost trapped me for eternity. Who was that girl? Was she the first?

    Looking behind me I see a room that had mostly collapsed. All the people are gone. All the food is gone. Everything changed in only a fe moments. A few moments that can change a lifetime. Looking at myself I still have the fine dress on. I am still wearing the jewelry. I still smell of jasmine. My hair is still very long and braided with flowers in it. Some parts of last night live on but most of it has disappeared. Vanished as rays of moonlight in the dawn. I am shocked at how shallow and simple the illusion was and how close it was to working on me. If I had not seen the child I would have never made it out in time.

    I go back to the pool and find it just as I had the day before. The water is still flowing. The bells still ring softly. The pool still appears cool and inviting. At the pools edge are my bags and clothes freshly washed, dried, folded, and waiting for me to wear. Knowing it is a bad idea to steal from gods I take off the fine dress folding it carefully and placing it at the pools edge. On it I carefully place the jewels I am wearing the dress in my clothes.

Taking my bags I turn and quickly leave the room. The draw of the pool is ever increasing and tempting me but I resist the temptation to touch the water as I might not be as fortunate as to escape again.

I walk out of the temple grounds knowing that staying further would be too tempting. I find a stone path leading to the jungle and it eventually breaks up into the foliage. Crashing through the jungle I know why no one lives near that temple. Everyone has been captured and turned into children of the moon.

This must be a thursday. I never did get the hang of thursdays. But is it really a thursday? I look at my watch to check and yes it is a thursday. But something must be wrong. My cast is gone and my watch is showing the wrong year. Where did my cast go? My arm feels fine. I feel fantastic in fact but how could a whole year have passed since I landed on this island? It has only been a few days. Something must be wrong with the watch or did I accidently enter faerieland where a single day is a whole year in our world. Too bad I can’t call the colony and ask without getting blown up.