Wednesday, September 18, 2013

How video games did not prepare me for adult life.

  • No matter how much you hack at grass or weeds no treasere ever spontaneously shows up.
  • You can't actually go into people's houses looking for loot without getting arrested.
  • There is no Sword of Desteny!
  • You can't put everything into a bag and still be able to find it all easily.
  • In a house you can't have all your belonging in one cupboard. The laws of physics are against you.
  • Each day I am disappointed that I don't have a quest or mission to complete.
  • You can't rip your opponent's spine out and hold it over your head in victory as society frowns upon that.
  • When you kill someone... the body is still there and doesn't magically disappear if you walk away from it.
  • When enemies approach there is no notification on the mini map and the music doesn't change.
  • You don't accumulate money just by walking around. 
  •  I still want to know what a "health potion" or "magic potion" taste like!!!
  •  Typewriters don't really exist anymore so good luck saving your life when the zombie apocalypse happens!!! 
  • Guitar hero does not equate to guitar playing.
  • Driving into people does not give you points/more fuel/help you win a race.
  • There is no reset!
  • Plants are not automatically identified when you pick them up.
  • You can not heal all hurts no matter how serious by sleeping one night.
  • You have to pack food when journeying. 
  • You can't just pause a fight, eat 400 carrots and be back at full health.
  • Eating raw meat has consequences.
  • You must stop to shit in the real world!
  • In real life it is almost imposable to become or marry the princess. You have better odds of winning the lottery.

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