Things to say when the Mormons come to your door.

Sometimes I get fed up with people coming to my door to pitch me religion. Is this even an effective method of conversion? Who is at such a low point in their life that they would really change religions just because someone came to their door? I created a list of fun things to say to these people pitching religion door to door. Interestingly enough they still come back for more. I think they just think it is funny at this point.

- I would love to join your army of the undead. 

- Thank god girls the chip’n dale dancers are finally here. 

- I think the three of us would be great in bed together. 

- Why, yes I would like to join your cult!

- How much are the membership fees? My soul? What kind of installment plan is available?

- Hey, want some vodka?

- You’re just in time for cocktails.

- What kind of super powers does you’re god give you?

- This afterlife thing.  Is there a money back guarantee?  No really I would like that in writing.

- So… who died?

- Have you ever read The Scarlet Letter?

- Will you be my squishy?

- If I tithe ten percent what do I get back?

- Did you ever find god?  Did you get his autograph?

- Does your “god” give signed copies of his book?

- I believe in one god.  I combined them all!  I call it supper Buddha!

- If you take away my freewill will you give me a cool new name?

- Isn’t it harder to think on your feet on that low protein diet?

- I like prawn crackers do you like prawn crackers?  No for the full effect you must eat the entire bag.

- You’re god sucks.  He’s not a good writer.

- If “God so loved the world” why did he give man freewill?

- If “all men are created equal” why are some left-handed?

- Oh spawn of the doorknockers what is thy name?

- Hey look Momonites!

I also need to put a sign upon my front door that reads thus.

There are things I will not take through this door,

religion, cookies, or cleaning of the floor.

These things will be sent right back,

Kicking, screaming, or with a good whack

So, rap upon this door if you dare.

I may send you away or pull out your hair

With a fish.